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Tuesday 21 April 2015

Modern Day Failures - Parenting



As much as I would like to believe that man has progressed, seeing some new parents makes me wonder have we progressed so much that instead of parents controlling their children, these tiny tots control their parents.



On this thought, here are top 10 modern day parenting fails.

       Gadget World
Even before the child learns to say ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’, he knows how to shuffle through an iPhone and dodge through the trains on the Subway Surfer. It is indeed good to be in sync with the moving times but is it healthy to introduce young minds to mobile phones and tablets even before they can judge the harm that it does to them?

        Tantrum Fear
With the fear that the child may cry and throw fits they do exactly how the child wants. If the child wants to eat drink sleep or play the way he wants the parents would allow that to happen just to avoid the child from crying. Fail! What are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let him have a tantrum, and remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't make extra work for yourself just to please him -- and even more importantly, think about the lesson it teaches if you give him what he wants because he's thrown a fit.

        Indoor World
What are children playing with these days? Xbox? Play Stations? How are they spending their time? On their mobile phones? When will the children learn to play in the dirt and how will they learn the pleasures of getting wet in the rain water and the joy of making friends without any prejudice and barrier?

        Lowered bar
We have assumed that children are to behave in a certain way. It is okay for a child to misbehave in public because it’s just the way kids do it. Why have we lowered our expectations from our children? I don’t remember my parents being okay when I misbehaved, I would have to face the wrath of my mother if I did so and with that fear I kept myself within the limits. Children are capable of much more than parents typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. The only reason they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion.

        Serving before the Need
We want to provide the best to our children and of course we should. But let them earn it themselves. We keep everything ready even before they ask for things or even before they need one. This inculcates the feeling that they can have their way and my parents will be okay to provide it. This makes them more dependent than independent in any way. Make a deal with your children that if they want the new bicycle they will have to score good marks in school or if they want new clothes or toys they will have to eat their meals right and drink their milk before going to bed.  Let them realize the worth of those things. Let them earn it!

        My Child is the best
Every parent thinks that their child is the best in the world and should be treated right. But these days parents are not happy if someone else tries to correct their children if they have done something wrong. Parents are found to get into arguments with others, and for what, because they gave their children an earful. Parents fight with school teachers for punishing their children. I wonder what is wrong with this new generation of parents. How else is the child supposed to learn the right and wrong unless being taught?

7     Perfect Expectations
Parents these days want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."

     Shortcut to Everything
There is no shortcut in life. No one teaches you that. We all need to have patience and that needs to be taught since childhood.  Children must learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy. Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too.

        Children First Me Second
Naturally, parents are wired to take care of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again to fulfil the whims of their child. Or dad running through a crowded public place because your child asked for an ice cream. Come on parents you children can wait a while, how many years have you waited for that promotion or that requested increment? You are the boss of your children, stop behaving like they are your boss instead!

        Say ‘NO’
There is nothing wrong with using the word "No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain them-self for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter. I fear that if we don't start to correct these grave parenting mistakes, and soon, the children we are raising will grow up to be entitled, selfish, impatient and rude adults. It won't be their fault -- it will be ours.

We never taught them any differently, we never expected any more of them. We never wanted them to feel any discomfort, and so when they inevitably do, they are woefully unprepared for it. So please, parents and caregivers, ask more. Expect more. Share your struggles. Give less. And let's straighten these children out, together, and prepare them for what they need to be successful in the real world and not the sheltered one we've made for them.


Cheers!


Monday 13 April 2015

Are you REALLY ready for the REAL thing - Marriage?


Are you ready yet?
There was an era when marriages were the ultimate goal in life for people in our country. Parents just waited for their children to enter adolescence so that they could be married off. While the history proves that there were just a handful reasons for marriages in old times.
  • Produce offspring
  • Shift of responsibility of the female gender.
  • Financial exchange that came with the wedlock

The fact that parents decided who their children would marry without letting them even see each other’s faces backs this theory. However, the couple got into the ‘getting used to’ mode and got ahead with their life and because we were so locked with the traditions and culture chains the couple remained married all their lives even if that was the worst thing that ever happened in their lives.

Well, that was one age. We have come a long way from that point to a much liberated society. These days’ young boys and girls make a calculated decision before getting married but in a way we have come a whole circle down to the same thought that ‘Marriage’ is the ultimate goal in life even today.

The fact being I have personally seen many of my friends get married and it makes me think, have they really grown up enough to take on the responsibility of starting a family? Some are in their early twenties some a bit older post their wedding pictures all around digital space and numerous questions come to my mind, how well prepared are they in their life? I have questioned a few of them and none of them were spending for the elaborate affair of their wedding from their pockets and very few had a decent bank balance either to kick off their married life. Then why this decision of getting married? 

Divorce rate in India according to a Hindustan Times report says have increased from 1 in 1000 to 13 in 1000 in just 5 years. 1,667 cases of divorce were filed in Mumbai in 2014(till November 30, up from 5245 cases in 2010. 8347 Divorce cases were filed in Kolkata in 2014 ( till November 30), a 350% increase from the 2,388 divorce cases in 2003. About 2000 Divorce Cases were filed in the Lucknow family court in 2014. Of these about 900 were filed by young couples married less than a year. In 2009, the number of the cases filed by young couples married less than a year was 300. 3 more family courts were opened in Bengaluru in 2013, to cater to demand to the total number increasing to six. There are 8,600 cases pending in the courts and 500 new cases are added every year.

These are some hard hitting numbers, but maybe these cases happen because young girls and boys in their twenties are just in their magical world when they are getting married and are living in that bubble that the fantasy would last a lifetime. So I did a bit of a research on various case studies and whitepapers and here are top 10 realities of the life post the much awaited D Day.

1.  For the rest of my life?!?
Whether it’s from quirks, habits, or total mind-numbing monotony, there’s going to be a moment where you will think, “For the rest of my life!”  The little quirks that used to endear now lead to thoughts of justifiable homicide. Habits that were undiscovered will wear on your nerves while the routine of daily life will bore you to tears. Is this it? Is this, FOREVER? When you embark on your journey you are both bright twinkling stars ready to consume the world in light and brilliance. Fact is life has a way of bitch slapping you back to Earth. Even though the blow comes at you in slow-motion; you’ll never see it coming!  The sink needs cleaning, she refuses to get home necessities done, and he sleeps with the light on. Little things that were cute before now become the giant purple elephant in the room!

2. Marriage Takes Work – Some real ass kicking work!
Sharing your life with someone takes sacrifice, compromise and regular inspection to confirm you’re both on the same page. Every relationship requires time and energy to cultivate and keep alive; if you don’t attend your garden, then weeds of complacency and apathy will consume it.

 3. Sex Will Change – And not for better!
Everyone has heard the horror stories about how the sex lives of married couples are non-existent and yet nearly everyone enters marriage saying, “That will never happen to us.”
FACT:  Daily life can “suck” the spontaneity out of your sex. The energy you had while dating will be devoured by career challenges, financial worries and frenzied schedules. You or your spouse may choose to recharge by melting into bed or checking-out on the couch over getting laid. A tough day can turn into a tough week and before you know it you haven’t had sex in almost a month. Many assume that sex must be spontaneous however; if you don’t make a consistent effort to make sex a priority it will disappear!

4. My Way or Highway – Not Anymore.
There will be times you won’t see eye-to-eye. A situation may demand both of you compromise to the point where neither are happy! There may be times when neither will see any compromise. Every marriage has a point where there will be a line drawn in the sand; a non-negotiable where the only roadblock standing between you and what you want is the love of your life!  If you’re used to getting what you want, when you want it, and how you want it; then marriage may be a very cold splash of reality.

5. You Can Only Control You
The fantasy of the newly married life ends as quickly as a science fiction movie and the reality hits you on your face. The time where small demands or requests made by your partner and you would go all out of the way to fulfil them would now feel like a baggage now. No matter how simpatico you are as a couple, you will never be able to change or control your partner. The faster you absorb this, the less frustrating marriage will be.

6. You will fight, sometimes A LOT
 “Don’t’ go to bed angry” FACT: There will be times you will not only go to bed angry but also  wake-up even more pissed off! There’s a vicious rumour about marriages; a sinister myth that fighting is bad and the sign of a weak relationship. Whoever started this fairy tale must have been delusional.  It’s ludicrous to assume you’re going to spend the next 40-60 years with someone and not fight! I guarantee that fighting is a form of communication that you and your partner will practice passionately and on more than one occasion. Please note that when I say fight, I am not insinuating physical or mental abuse; if either are the case in your relationship I recommend you seek help immediately. The context of fighting in this article is good, old fashioned debating, with zeal!

7. People Change:  Physically and Mentally
Think back to when you were in high school, then flashback to your college years {perfect body, no responsibilities} and now think of who you are today {career, bill payments}. The fundamental components may be there but your priorities, preferences, body shape, and even attitude no longer mirror the person you were 5 or 10 years ago. No one knows why, but many assume that the person standing next to them at the wedding reception will remain that way, always! As if getting married is a preservative. Laughable! NEWSFLASH: You will both grow older! Your bodies will change. Your hair colour will change. Your priorities will change and it WILL happen to all of us!

8. Lose That Loving Feeling
I hate to say it but there will be a day when the butterflies will fly away. Somewhere down the road of marital bliss, you’ll look around and the magic, mystery, and fire will only live in memories. Do not assume at this point that you must no longer be in love or that your marriage has died.  In actuality, the only thing that died is the notion that romantic love solely epitomizes marriage. FACT: The Rest of Your Life is a VERY long time and there will be times when you will be better friends than lovers.  However together you can recapture the butterflies and reignite the fire.

9. Fantasize That the Grass Is Greener
Fighting, reduced sex, lost feelings, bills, frustrations, quirks; shit, what was I thinking? When things get rough people tend to delude themselves. I was better off single. I know I would be happier with him/her. FACT: Being single is not all that great and the newest object of your desire has just as many quirks and habits! Things will appear to be in doomsday proportion and the desire to escape to greener pasture appears logical and justified. You may get to the point where the pain triggers the flight instinct. Try to remember that the grass may not necessarily be greener, only a different shade of green.

10. Children WILL dominate your life
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage. As hard as the two of you try, that little bundle of joy will forever transform your life as you know it. Even couples who are taking careful baby-steps find themselves tripping on landmines! Do not assume for an instant that having a baby won’t affect your relationship as husband and wife. It consumes every moment, thought, and energy reserve. FACT: Children are the greatest blessing in life but never underestimate the effect your joyful addition will have on every aspect of your existence.

As they say, You have to been through it to understand it! So just be well prepared before you take the plunge. This was my way to gear you up if you are planning to get married anytime soon and if you are already married let me know if you agree or disagree on this one!


Cheers! 



Thursday 8 January 2015

Fix Your New Year's Resolutions!

By now, you’re probably on New Year’s resolution overload. Everywhere you look you see ads, magazines, and buses telling you how to be the “new you in the new year.” The pressure is on and many of us crack.



Don’t get me wrong, having a goal and trying to stick to it is quite a feat in itself because you’re hopeful, while some drown in self-deprecation . However, what’s the point of aiming for an end result when: 
1. It will make you miserable in the process
2. You’re not 100 percent committed to it
3. It just won’t last? Isn't the point of having a resolution in the first place because you want to improve who you are to be happier and healthier?

My motto for resolutions: Think big, start small and stick with it. Here are 5 resolutions that you may have already broken and what you can do to fix it—it’s never too late!

1. Lose weight. You've starved yourself since the last lox and cream cheese bagel you touched on New Year’s Day. You can’t look at another grapefruit already and this Cookie Diet you keep hearing about sounds tempting. Stop right there. You can’t live off of any single-food diet and still be healthy for the rest of your life (because that’s how long you’ll have to keep it up if you plan on keeping the weight off this way).
Fix It: Eat when you’re hungry, even if it means you’re having six meals a day, but eat smaller portions. Just make sure the calories you are consuming you’re burning throughout the day. This takes focus and patience, but it pays off over time. If you want the weight to stay off, there’s no quick fix.

2. Exercise, exercise, exercise. You planned on going to the gym five days a week and you skipped yesterday because buddies planned a “work sucks” happy hour. And then the weekend starts the next day, so clearly you’re not going to that sweat pool on your “days off.” Okay, if this is the case for you, you were not fully invested in this goal to begin with.
Fix ItOn the days you can’t make it to the gym or you’re really not motivated, try to walk more during the day. Walk home from work. Park farther away from the grocery store. Take the stairs—no elevators! It’s simple and it does work—getting 10,000 steps a day is key for good health. Plus, it relieves that pang of guilt you feel each time you don’t make it to the gym.

3. Save money. When you’re single with no kids and the biggest worry you have is if you have enough money to pay an absurd amount for rent after splurging on a pair of boots, saving’s not exactly a priority for you. With people losing their jobs at astonishing rates, you realize it’s time to save, but you just haven’t started.
Fix It: Think about the frivolous things you buy regularly, but little things like coffees, snacks, or really just cheap crap. Each time you spend, also put that exact amount in a jar. It’s a cash savings that will accumulate, little by little, over time. Just think of the price of that item as being double its original price. If you wouldn't buy it for that price, maybe you shouldn't be buying it in the first place.


4. Stop smoking. You only smoke when you’re stressed or out drinking with your buddies, but you’re noticing you’re craving it more and more during the day and you want to stop. You haven’t smoked for a week, but boy/girlfriend drama and few glasses of wine later, you’re on the stoop with your fellow smoking buddy.
Fix It: Stay away or cut down on the activities (and people) that tempt you to smoke. Stressed? Keep busy to distract yourself. Idleness will only tempt you. Out? Cut down on the number of drinks you consume to stay in control. Peer pressure? If your friend isn't supporting your decision to quit, you might need to re-evaluate that friendship and see that person less or not at all.

5. Be stress-free. Alright, it’s pretty much impossible to be stress-free if you live in a metropolitan city, have a job (or don’t have a job) or… breathe. Life is full of challenges and obstacles will come your way no matter what—it’s just how it is. Throw this resolution out and learn to stress less. To feel stress is a normal human condition, and you can control when you get stressed.
Fix ItWhen you feel your head swell up and the urge to scream arises, it’s time to evaluate the situation. Stop. Think. Is it worth the worry? Learn how to drop petty problems. And, if you’re unsure, use your time productively and think of solutions to the problem. This way, you can solve it and let it go. Most stress builds up from irrationally over-analyzing a problem and the horrific consequences you create in your head. If you’re facing something very serious, consult a professional or a trusted friend—always.


Know someone who has gone through this? Share with them or leave a comment if you related to it! 

Cheers~!

Friday 26 December 2014

Things To Do in Last Week of December!!

So here we are in the very last week of the year 2014. A lot of us are on vacation spending their time at home with friends and family and may only resume their work/school in January. So I decided to pen down few fun things that all of us can do to spend this last week from Christmas to New Years Eve to the best of its capacity and enter 2015 with the truly awesome memories. Lets look at the 11 things we can all do during the holidays, Shall we?


  • Get cozy and watch a classic holiday movie.  
It’s A Wonderful Life, The Santa Claus, Miracle on 34th Street, Elf, The Holiday…you've got to watch one of these in this festive week. For serious movie buffs just create a queue for yourself and watch them all on the internet.

Watch them Now!
  • Drive around and look at Christmas lights.  
Perfect for a (free!) romantic date.  Enjoy how beautiful your neighborhood looks all lit up at night, and argue about whether white lights or colored bulbs are prettier.  For the record – colored lights totally win, if you ask me! 

Visit IC Colony or Bandra Lanes in Mumbai


  • Visit Santa at the mall.  
Yeah, all of the parents waiting with their toddlers will be glaring at you – but so what?  The pictures will be priceless, you’ll get to feel like a kid again, and you can make lots of awkward sexual jokes about sitting on Santa’s lap. *wink*

  • Do a Secret Santa exchange with friends.  
Grab a big group of friends, pick names out of a hat, and stick with a manageable price limit.  Depending on your friends, you could stick with gifts that are sweet and sentimental, or you could be a little wild – everybody buying silly, useless knick-knacks, or “adult” gifts like alcohol (if you’re 21) or condoms (stay safe!).

Secret Santa Rules

  • Go shopping – for yourself!  
Around the holiday season, our shopping lists can be out of control and money can be tight.  But make it a point to show yourself some love when you’re hitting the stores – girls can buy a fab outfit for New Year’s Eve and guys can go for swanky sweaters or jackets.  You don’t even have to splurge many malls/outlets have racks full of holiday glitz at insanely low prices.

  • Send cards to friends and family.  

Have a friend or a relative staying in a different city? Instead of calling them or texting them for the festive session, why not send them a card? Everyone loves holiday greetings, so spread the cheer!  Don’t feel like you have to buy cards from the store – make cards out of construction paper and post it across.   It’s much cheaper and more personal – and your friends and relatives will hang on to them forever! 

Holiday Cards

  • Channel your inner Cook.
Use your time at home to get more comfortable in the kitchen.  Offer to help make traditional holiday dinners – you’ll probably want to know how to make your favorites when you’re on your own. Try your hands at making holiday cakes, cookies, marzipans and not to forget those delicious rum chocolates. 
Marzipans

  • Give back to the community.  
The holidays are the best time to remember those who need our help.  Volunteer at the local church, give some change to those poor at the traffic signals, or buy some gifts for a family that can’t afford a Christmas.  You’ll be glad you did.  For local volunteer opportunities ask around at your old school or place of worship.

  • Have a dinner party with your friends.  
With all of the family events that come with the holiday season, it can be nice to enjoy a low-key dinner party with your friends.  Make it a potluck, show off that family recipe you mastered, and swap holiday stories with two (or twenty) of your closest friends.

Life without FRIENDS?
  • Go to the movies.  
Is it just me, or do the best movies of the year come out around the Christmas?  Spend an afternoon at your local movie theater and check out potential blockbusters with a huge bucket of popcorn and a slurpy can of icy Coke. 
  • Spend time with the people that you love.  
Help your dad put the lights on or just chat with your mom and look at the Christmas tree lit up in the dark. Spending quality time with your friends and family is really what makes the holiday season so magical, and you’ll make memories that you’ll cherish for the rest of your life.
Have a crazy family? We all do! 


Have you checked off any of these activities already?  Do you have any holiday traditions that you look forward to every year?  Tell me all about it in the comments section, and have a wonderful holiday season!





Monday 1 December 2014

Lease of Life – Condoms




As a style statement a large number of youth in India embrace various reckless behaviors. One with an alarming increase is smoking Tabaco. While Indian Government has increased the taxes impaired on Tabaco and Tabaco related products, which make them more expensive to acquire, the move has not helped in reducing the use of the same.

While youth is okay to spend a cool Rs100 on a packet of cigarette what makes me wonder is why is there an apprehension on spending a mere Rs25 on a packet of Condoms?
With 1.2 billion people, India’s barely a nation that can afford to be lax about contraception but according to the health ministry, condom usage has dropped by 38%. To find out what exactly is causing this decline we need to take a look at some of these factors.

1.       Scarcity and Lack of Awareness
With a huge population like India, it is difficult to educate the entire society about safe sex. Therefore a large section of rural India remains aloof from the whole idea of using a condom not just as an contraceptive but also to avoid major STI’s. Non availability of free condoms and lack of awareness is major reason that is causing the dip in its usage.

2.       Morality
In every society, people have their own moral, religious and ethnic doctrines that have not only reinforced their social fabrics but, due to prolonged observance in the community, also have pervaded the psychosocial environment of the individual. Obviously, an intervention (condom use) altering their age-old natural reproductive practices may be opposed or rejected by the individual or the community though people deeply feel the need of resolving socio-economic constraints associated with the explosive growth of the population.

3.       Religion
With a country like India where we have a large bouquet of religions, they tend to interfere and influence the sexual practices that we follow. Many religions prescribe the use of condom as against the law of the creator. As these religious beliefs are strongly embedded in our mental system all the other hazards of not using a protective barrier while have sexual intercourse is forgotten and perhaps ignored.

4.       Social Stigma
This again is associated with lack of awareness and care for one’s health. Men find it awkward to walk up to a pharmacy to ask for a packet of condom. The uneasy look that the man behind the counter gives scares the sh*t out of the guy who probably is doing it for the first time. Social discouragement given once to this youngster, he will never walk up to that pharmacy again.

5.       Partner Characteristics
In our country polygamy is not a widespread culture. Heterosexual couples restrict to just a few partners as compared to the couples in the west. Therefore the comfort level that develops between the participating individuals that the need to use the protection dies eventually. Having blind trust on your partner can push someone down the hill inching towards any dangerous STI. Although with homosexual couples polygamy is rampant. Trust or no trust using a condom should be imperative.

6.       Personal Factors
Individual perception, notion and constraint is likely to influence condom use. Many youngsters report that non-use of a condom because they did not think either they or their partner had an infection, and a similar proportion did not use a condom because they applied other contraceptive measures. ‘I do not have the AIDS virus’ and ‘I thought I was safe’, apparently indicating their low perceived susceptibility behind avoidance of condom use. Thus, individual perception of risk or pleasure often affects condom use.

7.       Condom – As contraceptive
Many couples just consider condom as a contraceptive. Pregnancy is considered to be the only outcome of having sexual intercourse. So they refrain from using a condom as they find many other ways to avoid a possible chance of pregnancy. They forget that many other STI’s including HIV and AIDS can be avoided by using a condom.

8.       Psychological Factors
Severe depressive symptoms affecting adolescent males are significantly predictive in non-usage of condoms. Social anxiety among gay and bisexual youths is found to be associated with unprotected anal intercourse. A depressed mood, female gender and unemployment increased the likelihood of engaging in unprotected sex among young people.

9.       Substance Abuse
Acute alcohol consumption by college students significantly predicted their perceived likelihood that they would have sexual intercourse without a condom. A feeling of emotional closeness has often been reported to be associated with the consumption of the drug Ecstasy (methylene-dioxy-methamphetamine; MDMA); some have also mentioned an increased sexual arousal and some, in particular gay and bisexual men, have used MDMA specifically for sexual enhancement. The sexual risk taking behavior –having multiple sexual partners and engaging in sex without a condom- was prevalent among persons having sex during MDMA episode.

1.      Issues with Condom use
Many couples stay away from condom because of the discomfort they experience while using them. Lack of sensation, vaginal irritation, and condom slippage are some excuses. Finding the right condom for some people has been very difficult even when condom manufacturers have introduced many variants like flavors, dots and lubrications.


While there can be no reason to take risk with your own life, using a simple condom can just give you another lease of life.


Friday 21 November 2014

The Do It Yourself List

Do It Yourself!
We all are living this crazy fast lives, where each one of wants to grow up and get to business. Not being in sync with oneself results in failed careers and more importantly failed relationships. Therefore before you are ready to welcome someone in your life(again!) do these following things all by yourself. They will give you an opportunity to realize many things about yourself and help you introspect. Go ahead, give it a read! :)  

Prepare a Meal, Just for Yourself!

Pick up the craziest meticulous recipe from a cookbook or the internet and explore your cooking skills. It could be a 3 course meal with wine or just a chicken cheese burger. Cherry on the top is that you don’t even have to share it with anyone and you can enjoy it to its last bite sitting on your couch, without pants! Who cares? :P

Explore a new place.
Head for a place you have never been to and prefer a place where even the local language is alien to you. Stepping out of your home, all by yourself will make you feel powerful. The thrill and experience of getting lost and walk around in circles. Knowing that you can get lost and then find your way back home is extremely validating than finding directions on Google Maps.

Sleep naked.
Before you meet your Mr. /Ms. Right, sneak up in your bed wearing nothing!! :D You will sleep better and will make you feel sensual almost instantly. Great way to be one with yourself. Imagine taking it all off to sleep it off! *SIGH*

Stay in Bed, Eat in Bed.
Let’s not confuse ourselves with lazing in your bed all day with lying there wallowing in self-pity. Great way to recharge your mind, body and soul. Also, you can skip your all protein diet one day and take a guilt trip to eating chocolate cakes, French fries or extra cheese pizza washed down with a big glass of icy cold cola.

Making your own touch perfect!!
Let’s get one thing straight: There is nothing more important than the relationship you have with yourself. Learning how you want things done — and how to do them right — not only makes you a better partner and lover, but it puts you more in tune with your own physical needs. And let’s be honest, nine times out of 10, it’s just more fun to take care of business on your own.

Buy something EXPENSIVE!
Save your money and buy something expensive, have ownership over something. Buy a new car, a house, a pet or just extremely expensive pair of shoes. Having the ownership right over something, no matter what, is an automatic visa into adulthood.

Go on a dinner date, ALONE.
Ever see those people dining by themselves and wonder if they feel lonely or sad? Here’s a tip: They don’t. If you’re not totally sold on the idea of dining by your lonesome (which isn’t the same as dining by your lonely), bring along a book, a magazine or a Sudoku puzzle that you’re working on. 

Stare at yourself naked.
We all are born equal. Earth is same to all mankind in general. Accept your body the way it is, it’s a maze of beauty, curves and folds. Look at your stark body and fall in love with the way you are shaped. Appreciate yourself before you give away the chance to someone else.

Pay your own bills.
Take care of your own funds before you manage someone else’s budget. Paying your own bills may sound not so good at first but being on top of it always is rewarding in its own way. Doing so you know that all your payments are made and now you can make a budget to fulfill your other needs. Learn to keep your spending in line before you have someone else in your life. This helps you save and keep you both from overspending. 

Wake up and watch the sunrise
Wake up early one morning and witness the sunrise. Sunrise signifies a new day, a new beginning, an opportunity to do things in different way, and it reaffirms that you are still alive. It’s a reminder that you are good, you are whole and, most importantly, and that you are here.

In moments like these, being alone isn’t just everything. It’s the only thing. And it’s beautiful.

Tuesday 11 November 2014

The Outsider

Say No to Prejudice
We all are very proud to be Indians. Our patriotism is showcased in various forms when instigated by a certain mega achievement by some Indian. For example, Indian cricket team wins the world cup, Handful gold medals at some international sports meet, some space mission or just Shahrukh Khan receiving an honorary award from the French government. That’s it. We all are proud to be Indians only then and rest of the times we treat one another just like an Outsider!!

We all know this fact but strangely shy away from that racism, prejudice and xenophobia are rampant in India. It’s a strange mixture of prejudice, ignorance and centuries-old discriminatory practices, when communities keep to themselves and there are dining taboos based on caste. Even today you cannot eat with people not of your caste or marry into their communities.

We are a huge nation with diverse cultures and heritage and as our pledge says ‘I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage’. We are a nation where culture and habits change every 10kms, spoken language and staple diet changes with them too. And that is when the problem starts. Each state is like a different country with diverse languages, cuisines, clothes, customs, and climate. Punjabis are closer in terms of their food and language to Pakistanis than to Tamils. 

All these differences make people fairly suspicious of those who are not like them. And ‘people like us’ close ranks and bond. These closed communities are naturally full of prejudices towards the other, the outsider.  Every state considers itself superior. We stereotype each other mercilessly and there are jokes galore about food, clothes and accents (how residents of each state speak English, actually!).

There’s a huge North-South divide too. Yet, in pre-colonial times, India was a haven for persecuted people. We gave refuge to Jewish people, Parsis from Persia, Armenians and later Chinese who ran away from the Revolution, and Tibetans who fled the Chinese. These people kept their distinct, separate identities but they prospered and loved India.

There’s another side to us though. As migration takes place, across state borders within India, a kind of xenophobia begins. In Mumbai in the 1960s, Maharashtrians were incited by politicians to drive out south Indians, Madrasis, they called them who were stealing their jobs. Sounds familiar? Recently, the same paranoid party called for North Indians to be thrown out. Many poor, migrant Biharis were beaten up, attacked and threatened as they went about their daily grind, often working for a pittance. In Bangalore too, there are rumblings of resentment over north Indian techies who have flooded the city with their loud, noisy, in-your-face manners. South Indians are relatively quiet, stand in queues and can’t understand the chaos of a northern railway station. Students from North East India are mostly dubbed ‘chinky’. People ask them if they are Japanese, Chinese or Korean. There is total ignorance amongst us in most parts of India about the culture, indeed about anything North Eastern.

That’s not it, we stereotype women very easily too. We rarely perceive beauty in black or far-eastern women. In fact, most of us look for pale-skinned brides to get married to. Bridal ads ask for ‘fair skinned’ girls. So skin color is important and you can’t be beautiful if you are not fair. Prospective bride seekers swarm into the girl’s house to ‘see the bride’. They have no compunction about passing their comments, in front of the bride and her family. Sensitivity, tact or even basic good manners are not common among average Indian families.

Now a little reminder from our National Pledge that we recited like parrots at school assembly.

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters.
I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage.
I shall always strive to be worthy of it.
I shall give my parents, teachers and all elders respect and treat everyone with courtesy.
To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion. In their well-being and prosperity alone lies my happiness.


 Where is this compassion that we promised towards each other? Why are we so intolerant about our own brothers and sisters? We want to fight rape, crime, terrorism, poverty and so many other issues but fail to remember that all of us are sons and daughters of the same soil. All these issues will be self-eradicated from the moment we stop the hardwired mentality of plain worthless prejudice towards one another and stop treating others like ‘The Outsider’! 

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