Modern Day Failures - Parenting

As much as I would like to believe that man has progressed, seeing some new parents makes me wonder have we progressed so much that instead of parents controlling their children, these tiny tots control their parents.

On this thought, here are top 10 modern day parenting fails.

       Gadget World

Even before the child learns to say ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’, he knows how to shuffle through an iPhone and dodge through the trains on the Subway Surfer. It is indeed good to be in sync with the moving times but is it healthy to introduce young minds to mobile phones and tablets even before they can judge the harm that it does to them?

        Tantrum Fear

With the fear that the child may cry and throw fits they do exactly how the child wants. If the child wants to eat drink sleep or play the way he wants the parents would allow that to happen just to avoid the child from crying. Fail! What are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let him have a tantrum, and remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't make extra work for yourself just to please him -- and even more importantly, think about the lesson it teaches if you give him what he wants because he's thrown a fit.

        Indoor World

What are children playing with these days? Xbox? Play Stations? How are they spending their time? On their mobile phones? When will the children learn to play in the dirt and how will they learn the pleasures of getting wet in the rain water and the joy of making friends without any prejudice and barrier?

        Lowered bar

We have assumed that children are to behave in a certain way. It is okay for a child to misbehave in public because it’s just the way kids do it. Why have we lowered our expectations from our children? I don’t remember my parents being okay when I misbehaved, I would have to face the wrath of my mother if I did so and with that fear I kept myself within the limits. Children are capable of much more than parents typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. The only reason they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion.

        Serving before the Need

We want to provide the best to our children and of course we should. But let them earn it themselves. We keep everything ready even before they ask for things or even before they need one. This inculcates the feeling that they can have their way and my parents will be okay to provide it. This makes them more dependent than independent in any way. Make a deal with your children that if they want the new bicycle they will have to score good marks in school or if they want new clothes or toys they will have to eat their meals right and drink their milk before going to bed.  Let them realize the worth of those things. Let them earn it!

        My Child is the best

Every parent thinks that their child is the best in the world and should be treated right. But these days parents are not happy if someone else tries to correct their children if they have done something wrong. Parents are found to get into arguments with others, and for what, because they gave their children an earful. Parents fight with school teachers for punishing their children. I wonder what is wrong with this new generation of parents. How else is the child supposed to learn the right and wrong unless being taught?

7     Perfect Expectations

Parents these days want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."

     Shortcut to Everything

There is no shortcut in life. No one teaches you that. We all need to have patience and that needs to be taught since childhood.  Children must learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy. Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too.

        Children First Me Second

Naturally, parents are wired to take care of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again to fulfil the whims of their child. Or dad running through a crowded public place because your child asked for an ice cream. Come on parents you children can wait a while, how many years have you waited for that promotion or that requested increment? You are the boss of your children, stop behaving like they are your boss instead!

        Say ‘NO’

There is nothing wrong with using the word "No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain them-self for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter. I fear that if we don't start to correct these grave parenting mistakes, and soon, the children we are raising will grow up to be entitled, selfish, impatient and rude adults. It won't be their fault -- it will be ours.

We never taught them any differently, we never expected any more of them. We never wanted them to feel any discomfort, and so when they inevitably do, they are woefully unprepared for it. So please, parents and caregivers, ask more. Expect more. Share your struggles. Give less. And let's straighten these children out, together, and prepare them for what they need to be successful in the real world and not the sheltered one we've made for them.

Cheers!

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