Are you REALLY ready for the REAL thing - Marriage?

Are you ready yet?

There was an era when marriages were the ultimate goal in life for people in our country. Parents just waited for their children to enter adolescence so that they could be married off. While the history proves that there were just a handful reasons for marriages in old times.

• Produce offspring
• Shift of responsibility of the female gender.
• Financial exchange that came with the wedlock

The fact that parents decided who their children would marry without letting them even see each other’s faces backs this theory. However, the couple got into the ‘getting used to’ mode and got ahead with their life and because we were so locked with the traditions and culture chains the couple remained married all their lives even if that was the worst thing that ever happened in their lives.

Well, that was one age. We have come a long way from that point to a much liberated society. These days’ young boys and girls make a calculated decision before getting married but in a way we have come a whole circle down to the same thought that ‘Marriage’ is the ultimate goal in life even today.

The fact being I have personally seen many of my friends get married and it makes me think, have they really grown up enough to take on the responsibility of starting a family? Some are in their early twenties some a bit older post their wedding pictures all around digital space and numerous questions come to my mind, how well prepared are they in their life? I have questioned a few of them and none of them were spending for the elaborate affair of their wedding from their pockets and very few had a decent bank balance either to kick off their married life. Then why this decision of getting married? 

Divorce rate in India according to a Hindustan Times report says have increased from 1 in 1000 to 13 in 1000 in just 5 years. 1,667 cases of divorce were filed in Mumbai in 2014(till November 30, up from 5245 cases in 2010. 8347 Divorce cases were filed in Kolkata in 2014 ( till November 30), a 350% increase from the 2,388 divorce cases in 2003. About 2000 Divorce Cases were filed in the Lucknow family court in 2014. Of these about 900 were filed by young couples married less than a year. In 2009, the number of the cases filed by young couples married less than a year was 300. 3 more family courts were opened in Bengaluru in 2013, to cater to demand to the total number increasing to six. There are 8,600 cases pending in the courts and 500 new cases are added every year.

These are some hard hitting numbers, but maybe these cases happen because young girls and boys in their twenties are just in their magical world when they are getting married and are living in that bubble that the fantasy would last a lifetime. So I did a bit of a research on various case studies and whitepapers and here are top 10 realities of the life post the much awaited D Day.

1.  For the rest of my life?!?

Whether it’s from quirks, habits, or total mind-numbing monotony, there’s going to be a moment where you will think, “For the rest of my life!”  The little quirks that used to endear now lead to thoughts of justifiable homicide. Habits that were undiscovered will wear on your nerves while the routine of daily life will bore you to tears. Is this it? Is this, FOREVER? When you embark on your journey you are both bright twinkling stars ready to consume the world in light and brilliance. Fact is life has a way of bitch slapping you back to Earth. Even though the blow comes at you in slow-motion; you’ll never see it coming!  The sink needs cleaning, she refuses to get home necessities done, and he sleeps with the light on. Little things that were cute before now become the giant purple elephant in the room!

2. Marriage Takes Work – Some real ass kicking work!

Sharing your life with someone takes sacrifice, compromise and regular inspection to confirm you’re both on the same page. Every relationship requires time and energy to cultivate and keep alive; if you don’t attend your garden, then weeds of complacency and apathy will consume it.

 3. Sex Will Change – And not for better!

Everyone has heard the horror stories about how the sex lives of married couples are non-existent and yet nearly everyone enters marriage saying, “That will never happen to us.”

FACT:  Daily life can “suck” the spontaneity out of your sex. The energy you had while dating will be devoured by career challenges, financial worries and frenzied schedules. You or your spouse may choose to recharge by melting into bed or checking-out on the couch over getting laid. A tough day can turn into a tough week and before you know it you haven’t had sex in almost a month. Many assume that sex must be spontaneous however; if you don’t make a consistent effort to make sex a priority it will disappear!

4. My Way or Highway – Not Anymore.

There will be times you won’t see eye-to-eye. A situation may demand both of you compromise to the point where neither are happy! There may be times when neither will see any compromise. Every marriage has a point where there will be a line drawn in the sand; a non-negotiable where the only roadblock standing between you and what you want is the love of your life!  If you’re used to getting what you want, when you want it, and how you want it; then marriage may be a very cold splash of reality.

5. You Can Only Control You

The fantasy of the newly married life ends as quickly as a science fiction movie and the reality hits you on your face. The time where small demands or requests made by your partner and you would go all out of the way to fulfil them would now feel like a baggage now. No matter how simpatico you are as a couple, you will never be able to change or control your partner. The faster you absorb this, the less frustrating marriage will be.

6. You will fight, sometimes A LOT

 “Don’t’ go to bed angry” FACT: There will be times you will not only go to bed angry but also  wake-up even more pissed off! There’s a vicious rumour about marriages; a sinister myth that fighting is bad and the sign of a weak relationship. Whoever started this fairy tale must have been delusional.  It’s ludicrous to assume you’re going to spend the next 40-60 years with someone and not fight! I guarantee that fighting is a form of communication that you and your partner will practice passionately and on more than one occasion. Please note that when I say fight, I am not insinuating physical or mental abuse; if either are the case in your relationship I recommend you seek help immediately. The context of fighting in this article is good, old fashioned debating, with zeal!

7. People Change:  Physically and Mentally

Think back to when you were in high school, then flashback to your college years {perfect body, no responsibilities} and now think of who you are today {career, bill payments}. The fundamental components may be there but your priorities, preferences, body shape, and even attitude no longer mirror the person you were 5 or 10 years ago. No one knows why, but many assume that the person standing next to them at the wedding reception will remain that way, always! As if getting married is a preservative. Laughable! NEWSFLASH: You will both grow older! Your bodies will change. Your hair colour will change. Your priorities will change and it WILL happen to all of us!

8. Lose That Loving Feeling

I hate to say it but there will be a day when the butterflies will fly away. Somewhere down the road of marital bliss, you’ll look around and the magic, mystery, and fire will only live in memories. Do not assume at this point that you must no longer be in love or that your marriage has died.  In actuality, the only thing that died is the notion that romantic love solely epitomizes marriage. FACT: The Rest of Your Life is a VERY long time and there will be times when you will be better friends than lovers.  However together you can recapture the butterflies and reignite the fire.

9. Fantasize That the Grass Is Greener

Fighting, reduced sex, lost feelings, bills, frustrations, quirks; shit, what was I thinking? When things get rough people tend to delude themselves. I was better off single. I know I would be happier with him/her. FACT: Being single is not all that great and the newest object of your desire has just as many quirks and habits! Things will appear to be in doomsday proportion and the desire to escape to greener pasture appears logical and justified. You may get to the point where the pain triggers the flight instinct. Try to remember that the grass may not necessarily be greener, only a different shade of green.

10. Children WILL dominate your life

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage. As hard as the two of you try, that little bundle of joy will forever transform your life as you know it. Even couples who are taking careful baby-steps find themselves tripping on landmines! Do not assume for an instant that having a baby won’t affect your relationship as husband and wife. It consumes every moment, thought, and energy reserve. FACT: Children are the greatest blessing in life but never underestimate the effect your joyful addition will have on every aspect of your existence.

As they say, You have to been through it to understand it! So just be well prepared before you take the plunge. This was my way to gear you up if you are planning to get married anytime soon and if you are already married let me know if you agree or disagree on this one!

Cheers! 

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