As much as I would like to believe that man has progressed,
seeing some new parents makes me wonder have we progressed so much that instead
of parents controlling their children, these tiny tots control their parents.
On this thought, here are top 10 modern day parenting fails.
Gadget World
Even before the child learns to say ‘Mom’
or ‘Dad’, he knows how to shuffle through an iPhone and dodge through the
trains on the Subway Surfer. It is indeed good to be in sync with the moving
times but is it healthy to introduce young minds to mobile phones and tablets
even before they can judge the harm that it does to them?
Tantrum Fear
With the fear that the child may cry and
throw fits they do exactly how the child wants. If the child wants to eat drink
sleep or play the way he wants the parents would allow that to happen just to
avoid the child from crying. Fail! What
are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let him have a tantrum, and
remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't
make extra work for yourself just to please him -- and even more importantly,
think about the lesson it teaches if you give him what he wants because he's
thrown a fit.
Indoor World
What are children playing with these days?
Xbox? Play Stations? How are they spending their time? On their mobile phones?
When will the children learn to play in the dirt and how will they learn the pleasures
of getting wet in the rain water and the joy of making friends without any
prejudice and barrier?
Lowered bar
We have assumed that children are to behave
in a certain way. It is okay for a child to misbehave in public because it’s
just the way kids do it. Why have we lowered our expectations from our
children? I don’t remember my parents being okay when I misbehaved, I would
have to face the wrath of my mother if I did so and with that fear I kept
myself within the limits. Children are capable of much more than parents
typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect
for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. The only reason
they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't
expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the
occasion.
Serving before the Need
We want to provide the best to our children
and of course we should. But let them earn it themselves. We keep everything
ready even before they ask for things or even before they need one. This inculcates
the feeling that they can have their way and my parents will be okay to provide
it. This makes them more dependent than independent in any way. Make a deal
with your children that if they want the new bicycle they will have to score
good marks in school or if they want new clothes or toys they will have to
eat their meals right and drink their milk before going to bed. Let them realize the worth of those things. Let them earn it!
My Child is the best
Every parent thinks that their child is the
best in the world and should be treated right. But these days parents are not
happy if someone else tries to correct their children if they have done
something wrong. Parents are found to get into arguments with others, and for
what, because they gave their children an earful. Parents fight with school
teachers for punishing their children. I wonder what is wrong with this new
generation of parents. How else is the child supposed to learn the right and
wrong unless being taught?
7 Perfect Expectations
Parents these days want their child to
appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports
that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than
discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a
perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced
because many parents do judge one another. If a child is
having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should
be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving
in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying,
"Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."
Shortcut to Everything
There is no shortcut in life. No one
teaches you that. We all need to have patience and that needs to be taught
since childhood. Children
must learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must
still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes
or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn
to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy.
Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising
their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but
that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too.
Children First Me Second
Naturally, parents are wired to take care
of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an
advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of
practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have
taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for
the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again
to fulfil the whims of their child. Or dad running through a crowded
public place because your child asked for an ice cream. Come on parents you
children can wait a while, how many years have you waited for that promotion or
that requested increment? You are the boss of your children, stop behaving like
they are your boss instead!
Say ‘NO’
There is nothing wrong with using the word
"No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain them-self for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter. I fear that if we don't
start to correct these grave parenting mistakes, and soon, the children we are
raising will grow up to be entitled, selfish, impatient and rude adults. It
won't be their fault -- it will be ours.
We never taught them any differently, we
never expected any more of them. We never wanted them to feel any discomfort,
and so when they inevitably do, they are woefully unprepared for it. So please,
parents and caregivers, ask more. Expect more. Share your struggles. Give less.
And let's straighten these children out, together, and prepare them for what
they need to be successful in the real world and not the sheltered one we've
made for them.
Cheers!
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